My Dear...

Por Bia de SouZa

Sitting here, I just listen to the beats of my heart. Drum Beats, as if it was part of a Rock Band. It's even difficult to breathe, as my heart seems to expand inside my chest, while I listen to its sound.

The sound of missing you.

Why aren't you here, by my side?

Should it be fair not to see your face, not to feel you arms while you are hugging me so tenderly? 

No.

It shouldn't. 

And it isn't, for sure.

I really don't know what to do, anymore.

I have no reasons to continue pretending you will come back soon. I have no reasons to look at your pictures left all over the bedroom and think they will make me laugh once again. Actually, I have no reasons to live well without you here.

I'm afraid.

Yesterday, I woke up with a will. I opened the old trunk and found that little paper where you whote the recipe of  "The Magic Chocolate Cake". I chose all the ingredients carefully and prepared everything in slow motion. Quite funny, you should have seen it. When it was finally ready to be tasted... I simply couldn't eat a piece of it without thinking it would be just fine if I could share it with you.

Billy the Kid ate it all. He's a good dog and my loyal company at the moment, the one who is holding me tight, making me find a sort of strengh that comes from I don't know where.

Listen... I just wish you were here.

Lucca is growing up fast inside me. I'm almost getting into the fourth month. He hears the stories I tell him so carefully that it's almost as if he could really see my face. And I also tell him about you, quite often. About how beautiful you are, how kind and strong is your personality, how good is your heart. Why you are not with us right now.

And he answers... With little "pops" in my belly. 

When he does it, I know he is going to be just like you.

It's probably what makes me stand and don't give up.

----- 

It's almost 10 p.m. now and I have to sleep. You know that if I don't go to bed early I cannot wake up in the other day felling good enough to do all my work.

My first task is to send you this mail. I don't know exactly where you are and if you can read letters during the week, but I cannot wait until the end of it to send you my words.

Who knows if you are really going to read them?

Please, I just wish I could receive a hello from you. To make sure you are okay. Alive, at least.

Try to do it for me, okay?

Imagens: asfaltoemato.blogspot.com ; naianacarapeba.blogspot.com

I love you, Baby.

You know you'll always be my hero.

XXX  OOO

Manu.